Table 4.1

Hermosa Beach - November 24th, 2022

The Table works.

A short intro from me, looking back at what I wrote in the past.

This was my fourth session, and the first time I had several meaningful and challenging conversations. I’ll probably divide the reflections from this fourth section into multiple posts. Here is a short list of the people I listened to paired with the lessons/challenges I faced.

·      My patience was tested during an hour-long session by a struggling musician whose family was rejected by her family because she was trans.

·      My ‘No Advice’ rule was tested when a young boy came up to me with beautiful long hair and wanted to know if he should cut it or not—this is a situation I lived deeply for a lot of my life.

·      A high school girl shared with me some sad news and left, which left me wishing for some closure.

·      A kid who confessed he wasn’t making enough money from small crimes and wanted to be a rapper.

·      And two small sisters shared with me something cute and happy to end the day.

This session held a lot of powerful energy and learning, so now I’ll start.

I sat with someone who I will call P, who is hurting and alone. P was dealing with a lot. She recently went through a breakup. She felt very unwelcome and misunderstood in her house. Her father got her a guitar but she gave it to a homeless person who she felt would need it more, and her father was very upset about that. From listening to her, I came to realize there were a lot of things coming up that I didn’t necessarily agree with. P told me that she walked into a restaurant and called one of the waiters (who she didn’t know) a Nazi because… well, she felt it. She felt like that was how she was doing good for the world. I think this was a point where I realized that mental health is coming into play. How do I handle that? I would say that a judgment came up for me there because I personally don’t feel like it’s right to go into places and say things like that. There was also the situation of her going into a religious place and announcing that the leader there was the anti-Christ, then getting banned from coming back. These details made me wary, initially. I listened to P speak about religion, and about being misunderstood, and about her relationship, and more.

The conversation went on for a long time and there were several instances of going back to the same material. I felt myself struggling to be present. I felt like I could be listening to more people.

Then I had the moment of realization that changed my perspective. I thought – I came out here for two hours to sit and listen to people. If one person comes and talks to me the whole time, then that’s fine. My line of thought until now had been, “If one person sits down and talks to me, this is a success.” So, following that, today was successful already. I didn’t have anywhere else to be and I was doing what I set out to do. Suddenly, it was a bit brighter for me.

Then, and I remember feeling relief, there was a person who came up next to me and perhaps asked when I would be ready to listen to them. This gave P the sign that it was time to wrap up, so she excused herself and went off.

SLIGHT EXHALE.

The person that asked to talk to me was a small shirtless boy who could not have been more than eight years old. He and his family had biked to Hermosa, and his parents and perhaps siblings were waiting nearby.

He told me something like this, “I don’t know if I should cut my hair or not. Only one of my friends thinks it’s cool. I like it, but I don’t know about the other kids at school.”

In that moment, my heart did what I imagine the Grinch’s did at the climax of that movie. It grew.

Man, this was a tough one for me. Every fiber of my being knows exactly what that kid is going through. I was that kid. There is barely a problem in the world that I could relate to more. I wanted to tell this kid that his hair looked great, that he was cool how he was, any number of things that I would have loved to hear. That, arguably, I needed to hear. But I didn’t! Because I’m not allowed to give advice and I felt like that was crossing the line.

So I held firm and asked him a few questions instead. I don’t know exactly how it went but I remember it essentially coming down to, “Whether you cut it or don’t, are either the wrong choice?”

He sat with that for a second, in which I felt like I wanted to say so much more and I didn’t say a freaking word. He thanked me and walked back to his family. His mom came up moments later and told me that she had no idea what he talked about and thanked me to listening. I don’t remember what I said to her, but it certainly wasn’t about the kid’s hair.

My heart goes out to that kid.

After he left, P came up to me and handed me a piece of lined paper. It had my name on it, and a big heart, and her signature, and some more words about bringing guests in for a meet and greet. She told me that I could bring this paper to any of the security guards outside one of her concerts and they’d let me and up to six of my friends and family in for the show and a meet and greet after. As thanks. She said she’d already given out all the backstage passes.  

I’ll treasure that ticket. I hope I get to use it one day.

This is enough for now, I’ll finish the rest of this session in the next post. Now then, time to go out and table!