Stacey’s Table 3:
What number listening table is this for you?: 3
Location/City: Toodyay, Austrailia
About how long were you at the listening table?: 3 - 5 Hours
About how many people stopped to talk?: 3
Reflection:
Oh boy, have I learned some things…
Also, apparently, I use a lot, of commas, so be prepared for that XD.
Firstly, asking questions. Over the 3 weeks that I have been doing the listening table so much has opened up for me. Being able to articulate questions to encourage the flow of conversation without injecting your own thoughts on a topic is a skill that, in my experience, hasn’t really been taught on any level. As adults, if we are inclined to grow, this may come about as part of being able to develop mutually beneficial and healthy relationships. However, in everyday conversation, as people just want to be listened to, ourselves included, conversation is taught as a give and take of inputs about the current topic of interest. I have discovered that there is a certain difficulty in not interjecting your own thoughts. And in fact it actually helps if you just try not to have any thoughts at all about what a person is talking about, but there in lies another difficulty. You need to have thoughts so you can ask appropriate questions, to ask if you have understood them correctly.
It’s been… interesting to say the least. I always thought, through my professional career, that I had learned how to be a good communicator. And to a degree, many of the skills I have, have been instrumental in making this endeavour enjoyable and successful imo. But I’ve definitely noticed some gaps. Which is awesome cause I love both learning these things and how to develop even more.
This leads me to my second learning, the energy it takes to listen. Wow has this been an eye opener. I struggle with tiredness anyway and as a highly sensitive person, I have to be careful and conservative with my energy and the energy of those I am around. I was initially very cautious of even participating in the listening table because there is no predictability around who you may come across that would like to talk and the subjects they would talk about. That’s why I waited for the training and got myself as prepared as I could. But I figured that this concept doesn’t require my input as frequently as “normal conversation”, and I just fell in love with the whole idea as soon as I saw those first reels and I really wanted to give it a go. I just want to be an amazing person, I have so much light and shiny and good stuff to share and sharing it with strangers by holding a safe space for them to really be heard just brings me so much joy. And to tears honestly. If that doesn’t tell you what I was missing as a child, well, you get the idea lol.
Discovering this facet of listening to people and how much energy it is taking to not contribute to the conversation but just gently lead people with small questions, nods, making small noises of agreeance, acceptance, acquiescence and understanding is astounding. I’m barely doing anything. But showing up in this way, wow. It’s having a twofold effect. Because it is both draining and exhilarating. Being able to navigate the gentle leading, active listening, manage energies and attention and be a safe space. It’s quite a bit more than I expected but it’s amazing.
So there is a certain amount of management that I am now having to undertake in order to keep my life in order. Getting good sleep and having a good sleep routine is top of my list at the moment. I have been a little… unorganised in this area recently. So that has to change. I have recently started to volunteer lots of my time in community activities so having a good and varied routine is vital for me.
Something that a few people have said is to advertise on our local facebook page that I’m down at the park and I keep forgetting, I don’t like facebook but it is a useful tool for communities to be kept aware of happenings so remembering to use that with also be helpful.
So far, I have had an average of 3 conversations per table and once I advertise on the community facebook page, keep my presence there at the park so the school kids get used to and comfortable with me there to talk to if they want, and just keep it consistent, I imagine there will be a lot more.
Something that is necessary in Australia, if I want to take this into events and functions is having my own public liability insurance. Its okay at the park currently cause I’m just “picnicking’ there and it’s a public spot covered by our council. But moving forward, that will be a financial consideration for me.
Side point here but, I don't know if it's related to the listening table or not but ever since I've started doing them, I have been noticing whether I make people laugh or not in my personal life and have been trying to say things that will make them laugh. I haven't been aware of this previously. I haven’t used humour as a mechanism of any sort before. So that's new.
How did this experience change your life?
I hope the reflection kind of covers it but also, I just feel so attracted to this entire concept. I've never felt this attracted to anything before. I've had dreams of making something big before. I believe in my capacity. But until now, I hadn't found the thing that I want to make big. All my life, I've been waiting for an opportunity like this, and here it is screaming, "Go Delbert! Go Delbert!"